I Had to Dig In
I was desperate and crying out for help.
I spent years seeking healing. I sought therapy several times, but was met with unintentional ignorance of the effects of trauma. I was told that I had survived and was resilient and to keep doing what I'm doing. But what was I doing? I was dying a slow death without hope. I began to research the effects of trauma, and what I have found has saved my life. My desire is that you, too, will not give in to the darkness, but that you will continue to reach for the light. It is not as far away as you think or feel. As a matter of fact, the Light might just find you.
Acknowledging the darkness that I felt deep in my soul
It was imperative that I allowed myself to come face to face with the darkness that haunted my soul. I stopped trying to cover up for my mother. I wanted to honor my parents, but they were not honorable. How do I reconcile this? It is honoring my parents to live my life with integrity, stand in the Truth, stand strong, be my authentic self, and act with courage. I learned that I was continuing to sacrifice my happiness in order to adhere to the social no-no of speaking negatively about one's parents, especially in religious circles. After all, it's not proper to hold our parents accountable. I had to be authentic, whether speaking to a pastor or fighting the dark shadows. This song helped me begin to connect with myself.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)
I highly recommend beginning here. This book dives right in to the chaos of Complex Trauma. From the very first chapter, this book spoke answers into my thirsty mind. Every effect of trauma that I was living in was explained in an easy-to-understand language that I embraced and absorbed. This was my first step into understanding the dangerous cycle(s) that kept me bound. It also gave me guidance on how to find a trauma therapist.
https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842
Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD, has treated the most traumatized children and the life-long effect of traum
He has made it his life's work to understand how trauma affects children. He has treated and studied children faced with some of the most horrendous experiences imaginable. From the surviving victims of the Branch Dividian Cult Conflagration in Texas, to neglected Eastern European orphans, to genocide survivors. He has also helped courts sort through the wreckage of misguided Satanic ritual abuse prosecutions, based on coerced accusations from tortured, terrified children. He has helped children rape survivors, victims of natural disasters, people who have had, or have witnessed, life-threatening accidents or injuries, have witnessed their parents' murders, and those who spent years chained in cages or were locked in closets. From the horrors of the 911 terrorist attacks to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, he reminds of that catastrophic events can leave indelible marks on the mind. The impact is far greater on children than it does on adults.
The Netflix Documentary, "The Program: Cons, Cults and Kidnapping"
Help at Any Cost. "How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids.
"Years after being sent to a disciplinary school, a woman still haunted by her experiences exposes the corruption and abuse of the trouble teen (or what we survivors like to call, "the troubled parent") industry.
At the very beginning of the 2nd episode, KIDS, Inc. was listed under the umbrella of WAASP, the global leader of the child trafficking industry. I was in the Kids of El Paso branch, located at 6500 K Boeing Drive, El Paso, TX 79925. This building is now home to the El Paso Independent School District's Professional Development Center for local teachers. Within the first few clips of the 2nd episode, you will see the "motivation" humiliation tactic of clients acting like monkeys, for lack of a better term. You will also see Virgil Miller Newton, aka Father Cassian, who was the cult leader of KIDS, Inc., to include Kids of El Paso.
This short, 3-hour documentary, outlines the journey of one woman and the facility she was in. Each episode is one hour long.
Help at Any Cost. "How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids.
Help at Any Cost. "How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids.
About the Author
(from page 268 of this book)
"Maia Szalavitz is the author or co-author of seven books, including the New York Times bestseller, 'Unbroken Brain: A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction.' She is also co-author of 'The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog' and 'Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential and Endangered,' both with Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD."
She also lends her expertise and plays a vital role in the Netflix documentary, "The Program: Cons, Cults and Kidnapping."
Homesteading in the Calm Eye of the Storm
Homesteading in the Calm Eye of the Storm
Pete Walker, who authored the book listed above entitled, 'Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving,' navigates his Complex PTSD journey. This is a Memoir and Companion to Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving.
Take Back Your Life
Homesteading in the Calm Eye of the Storm
About the Author
Janja Lalich, Ph.D., has been studying cults and extremism since the late 1980s. She is recognized nationally and internationally for her work for and with survivors, families, and professionals and has been an expert in both criminal and civil cases.
(page 416 of the book above)
She also lends her expertise and plays a vital role in the Netflix documentary, "The Program: Cons, Cults and Kidnapping."
Paso Del Norte, Center of Hope
The Issue
Worldwide, human trafficking is a $150 billion industry. In every country and city, men, women, and children are being exploited for forced labor and commercial sex. Unfortunately, this crime continues around us, largely unnoticed.
But it's not just happening in other parts of the world, it's happening in the United States, and in El Paso.
Growing Up As The Scapegoat To Narcissistic Parents
There are certain family dynamics that result from parents who are narcissists. They will typically have a golden child, a forgotten child, and/or a scapegoat child. This book specifically dives into defining what a scapegoat child is and the effects that it has on that child. This was my role in my specific family dynamic. This book was instrumental is teaching me to let go of 2 major devastating realizations in my life.
(1) No matter what I do, say, achieve or strive for, my narcissistic mother is incapable of love, therefore incapable of loving me. The fault lies within her and not within me.
(2) The emptiness that she left inside of me, the same emptiness that left me unloved and unwanted, cannot be filled by somebody else's love (my children, men, or any other human being).
https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Up-Scapegoat-Narcissistic-Parent/dp/B0BXN2287H
Born For Love
"As Born for Love reveals, recent changes in technology, child-rearing practices, education, and lifestyles are starting to rob children of necessary human contact and deep relationships—the essential foundation for empathy and a caring, healthy society. Sounding an important warning bell, Born for Love offers practical ideas for combating the negative influences of modern life and fostering positive social change to benefit us all. It reveals how and why the brain learns to bond with others—and is a stirring call to protect our children from new threats to their capacity to love. "
https://www.amazon.com/Born-Love-Empathy-Essential-Endangered/dp/0061656798
The Body Keeps The Score
Why do I have anxiety and depression? What has that done to my body? Why can't my panic attacks go away? Why will the nightmares not go away? Why is my body hurting? I had many questions about how the effects of my particular trauma affected my body, my moods, my decisions, and a plethora of other problems. Admittedly, this book is focused on science and medicine and is more technical than the others. However, it helped me understand why my body still reacts in panic in certain situations. It also helped me to grasp what I can and can not control about my health.
Insights
Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act
Virgil Miller Newton (Aka Father Cassian)
Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act
In December of 2024, the Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act was passed. Finally.
https://www.congress.gov/bill/118th-congress/senate-bill/1351/text
Paris Hilton
Virgil Miller Newton (Aka Father Cassian)
Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act
Paris Hilton outside the U.S. Capitol on Tuesday. Hilton has long pushed for legislation to rein in the troubled-teen industry.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/paris-hilton-bill-congress-troubled-teen-industry-rcna181632
Virgil Miller Newton (Aka Father Cassian)
Virgil Miller Newton (Aka Father Cassian)
Virgil Miller Newton (Aka Father Cassian)
For the KIDS and STRAIGHT victims who attended the Corter trial, it was a rare opportunity to make at least one of the main perpetrators of their abuse, Miller Newton, face the pain he'd caused; to make him, at least briefly, answer to them. Because he'd declared bankruptcy, he couldn't be made to suffer much more financially, no matter h
For the KIDS and STRAIGHT victims who attended the Corter trial, it was a rare opportunity to make at least one of the main perpetrators of their abuse, Miller Newton, face the pain he'd caused; to make him, at least briefly, answer to them. Because he'd declared bankruptcy, he couldn't be made to suffer much more financially, no matter how large a settlement the jury imposed. Because it was a civil trial, he could not be sent to prison for his crimes. The statute of limitations on them had run out. A large judgment against him, however, would at least blacken his name. It could also make malpractice insurers more reluctant to cover such programs, making it harder for them to do business.
The book entitled, "Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled=Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids."
Authored by Maia Szalavitz
Chapter 8, Miller Time, page 181.
Photo from Wikipedia
It's Time to Pay Lulu
Virgil Miller Newton (Aka Father Cassian)
Virgil Miller Newton (Aka Father Cassian)
It's time to pay fair, just and reasonable compensation. It's time to pay Lulu for every minute of every hour of every day that she...
- sat in those chairs
- was restrained on the floor
- spent in solitary confinement
- she experienced the indignity of being watched in the bathroom and every time told the number of times she could wipe
- was deprived
It's time to pay fair, just and reasonable compensation. It's time to pay Lulu for every minute of every hour of every day that she...
- sat in those chairs
- was restrained on the floor
- spent in solitary confinement
- she experienced the indignity of being watched in the bathroom and every time told the number of times she could wipe
- was deprived of an education
- was deprived of the prom
- was deprived of the first date
It's time to pay Lulu for every step she took while belt-looped, and for each of the things you remember that I haven't mentioned.
We only get a few chances in life to do something important, and when you do something like thta, it's important to do it with a sense of responsi ility and honor...A few years ago, Lulu came to me and asked me to tell her story. For the last three years I have tried to understand how anybody could have done to another human being what was done to Lulu.
Lulu began to sob quietly.
O er the three weeks of this trial, I had the responsibility to tell the truth. And that has been transferred gradually from me to you. I have done e erything I could to tell Lulu's story. The responsibility for speaking clearly, loudly, and unmistakably for what's fair and just is now yours. I have no doubt you will do the right thing.
Closing Statements
Attorney Phil Elberg
From the Book," Help at Any Cost, How the Troubled Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Children." Authored by Maia Szalavitz, Chapter 8, Miller Time, pgs. 195-196