It's so dark. I can't see anything at all. I've heard that I can heal. I'm not convinced. I have survived and I've been resilient, but the secrets come back and my soul is tormented.

Empty

I'm empty,

And the wind whistles through me,

Lifting small clouds of dust and some dust is blown away, 

And other shifts but stays.

The me of me is melted

Down to the metal base of a blackened wick, And where did all my candle go? 

There was bright light for a while.

I'm an aching lump of working organs,

A dry eyed,

Weak limed,

Slope backed thing.

I keep repeating truth,

Trying to think true things.

But they're no more real than things that aren't.

And so the outside is as empty as me.

Blank, with barely the courage to smile.

~ Cameron Maple ~

According to Google, Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is typically caused by prolonged or repetitive exposure to traumatic events, often during childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or prolonged violence.  Unlike PTSD, which can result from a single traumatic event, CPTSD arises from ongoing or multiple traumatic experiences. These traumas can significantly impact emotional and psychological development, leading to difficulties in regulating emotions, forming healthy relationships, and experiencing a sense of self?

 Elaboration:

• Prolonged or Repetitive Trauma: CPTSD is most often associated with experiences like childhood abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual), ongoing domestic violence, or captivity, where the traumatic events are repeated or last for a considerable duration. 
• Childhood Trauma: Early life trauma, particularly during formative years, can have a profound and lasting impact on development and the likelihood of developing CPTSD. 
• Lack of Escape or Control: Traumatic experiences that are difficult or impossible to escape from, or where individuals feel powerless to control their circumstances, are more likely to lead to CPTSD. 
• Harm by Someone Close: Trauma inflicted by someone who is supposed to be a caregiver or protector can be particularly damaging and contribute to CPTSD. 
• Examples: Long-term domestic violence, ongoing sexual abuse, slavery, or being a prisoner of war are examples of situations that can lead to CPTSD. 
• Impact on Development: Complex trauma can disrupt emotional and psychological development, making it challenging for individuals to regulate emotions, form healthy attachments, and develop a sense of self. 

https://www.google.com/search?q=cause+of+complex+ptsd&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS1007US1007&oq=cause+of+complex+ptsd&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyCQgAEEUYORiABDIICAEQABgWGB4yCAgCEAAYFhgeMggIAxAAGBYYHjINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAYQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAcQABiGAxiABBiKBdIBCDU5NzJqMGo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8